In my job I bump up against actual evil quite often, “actual evil” being quite different from the casual way we (humans) normally identify someone or something as evil. Actual evil is a murdered infant. That is what I’m talking about.
Anyway…this week, evil. So I’m kind of tired. In spite of sleeping pills, in spite of martial arts, in spite of whatever else I can think of…I have not been sleeping well. And I’m actually worried about going to church tomorrow, because what if this is the kind of stuff that sticks in my head. What if while I’m supposed to be thinking of the Body and Blood of Christ, I’m worrying about what to do about actual evil.
A couple posts ago I wrote about feeling like a dirty little urchin or blood-covered soldier sneaking into the back of the church. This has been one of those weeks that aged me. I understand wrinkles around the eyes and gray hairs. I’m so grateful for my church home because without it I know I’d slide beyond sinful into actual evil myself. It’s the human condition. So pray for me, if you could, that tomorrow, as I stand before the chalice I will see only the icon of Christ behind my priest, for He’s the One who can take care of that whole evil thing anyway.
On a lighter note, I now have, for the first time in a long time, high speed internet in my home. Expect more posts. Hold me to it.