Of Lent and porn stars

On how I am learning to give in and love the sinners (of whom I am first)

Advertisements

Alternate title: How Charlie Sheen owes me an apology but that’s OK because I owe him one too.

Great Lent starts with Forgiveness Sunday, a slate-cleaning opportunity to get things right with your brothers and sisters within the Church and without.

We never sin alone.

After Divine Liturgy, some friends stopped me in the hall and asked me how I do what it is that I do, how I write what I write and how I sit, day in and day out as some kind of sin-eater, listening and chronicling the misery of others. I grinned and answered that I have no idea, but I know that if I wasn’t Orthodox I couldn’t do it. I said that sometimes I feel like the criminals owe me an apology because as I sit there listening to them justify, obfuscate and wiggle out of responsibility it causes me to become angry and to despair.

Sunday night, prior to the Rite of Forgiveness — in which your girl bows to all in the Church individually and apologizes for being such a raging jackass throughout the year — Fr. Andrew (I love priests. They’re so smart) reminded us that we don’t sin alone. Every sin we commit contributes to the chaos in the universe. So when I get absolutely ridiculously irritated at the office and then become all cranky-pants with some random person I encounter, I just spread it around like some kind of Cat-In-The-Hat spot that doesn’t ever go away.

Now on to the application:

On Tuesday, Charlie Sheen’s “goddess” appeared in one of my courthouses to answer to a drunk driving charge she picked up while back visiting her home town. She brought with her TMZ, Radar online and other such detritus from LA.

I got cranky the week prior to her visit as watched the dirty old men in my office drool over her anticipated presence in our fair city. My eyes hurt from rolling them as the hour drew near. I forced myself to choke down a Dateline episode focused on Sheen so I could make note of her condition, her arrangements and “get up to speed” on such an important news event.  And after Sunday evening, I thought about how this is all so much chaos in the cosmos – how her enslavement to whatever issues she has leads her to thinking prostitution is a really good way to make a living (let’s be honest, that’s what pornography is), how Sheen’s addictions drew her in, how her profession drew the men in my office in, how her (alleged) over-consumption of alcohol while visiting her friend a local strip joint drew the Allen County criminal justice system into it, drew me into it and then drew everyone else into it who had to listen to me whine about it for the past week and counting.

It’s just a gorgeous daisy chain of sin, isn’t it?

The only thing I could think to do was seek the intercessions of St. Mary of Egypt on her behalf (she’s much more qualified in this particular area than I am) and work really hard to treat her like the thing she is: a child of God, beloved of Him before the foundation of the world, a person with the Divine spark in her that may one day draw her to the full truth of His love for her.

I tried really hard. I did. I swear. And to her, and to Charlie, and to all in this web of cosmic chaos: Please forgive me and may God forgive us all.

Gospodi pomiluj.

Author: Rebecca

Orthodox Christian. Writer. SAR K9 handler-in training. All three of those are deeply related.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s