Or finding my voice…
When I first started this blog, seven years ago, I was writing about religion every now and then for my work. I wanted to put my thoughts about the how and why of my decision to join the Orthodox Church into a form for family and friends to see and, hopefully, understand. I made a clear line of demarcation between the professional and the personal, much of it self-imposed or self-inflicted, depending on your view.
Throughout the years, as I struggled with the discipline to keep this going, I also jotted down some of my thoughts about how my faith affected my daily life, what life inside this Ark of Faith was like as the storms rage outside. But in my effort to maintain a bit of anonymity (professionally), I was often vague or indirect. Now, though, I am wondering about the wisdom of that. It tended to create a bifurcation, even in my head, that sometimes prevented me from adequately processing what I’ve seen or figuring out its spiritual import.
As a journalist, I am paid to write. Writing personally always felt like work, so I didn’t do it very often. I never really kept a diary. I cannot for the life of me write a poem and I’m a horrid fiction writer. So writing is never something I’ve done for pleasure. But in recent weeks, for whatever reason, I’ve been feeling an almost compulsion to write personally, to try to put these experiences I have professionally, spiritually, and emotionally into this space, working Orthodoxy into it like kneading a little water into the pie crust dough.
I’m hoping this can continue to be that. I need it to be that. I will endeavor to leave my opinion about what I cover professionally out of this space, other than to describe how some of the things I encounter impact me, change me and teach me. I’m hoping it doesn’t get me in trouble with my bosses. I hope, instead, it is what I identify above as the purpose of the blog: occasional musings from a bumpy road to Salvation. I hope that my words here offer me encouragement as I write them, and if there’s anyone that reads them, that they give you an honest window into the heart of someone who really wants to be a Christ-follower, even if she has a potty mouth, a hair-trigger temper and a generally crappy attitude.
I am a human, with the Divine spark, that image of God, inside of me. I hope this place becomes a space where I can uncover a little more of that.